I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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