You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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