Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You took a bar mat shot.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
