We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
