I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
