1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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