I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.