dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.