Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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