He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters