wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
