Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
