every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're like the curious george of whores
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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