doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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