I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
