It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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