your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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