Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
