Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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