It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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