im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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