If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
