too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
