Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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