weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I party with great urgency now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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