she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
