Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
