I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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