I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?