i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
