dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.