Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.