I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
