I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
