One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions