Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
