There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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