I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
do nipples grow back?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize