Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
