I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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