So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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