I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need water and some morals
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
