Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
