She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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