Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
