there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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