Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
