I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
