Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
