What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
