im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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