toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize