He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
