WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
