So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
