We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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