a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
