I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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