His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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