He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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