You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
