if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
