Is it normal to miss your booty call?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
