clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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