My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
