I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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