He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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