She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
