The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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