So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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