so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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