Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
