DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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