I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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