Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
