i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
