He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have feelings that need drinking.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
