I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kissed a someone with a penis
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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