i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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