Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
