I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
