This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
