if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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