It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
